Adventures of a New Seattle-ite - Interviews

I'm not opposed to interviews.  I don't mind chatting it up with someone...although sometimes by the end of the interview, I've talked about myself so much ( what do you think you can offer/why should we hire you? ) my head has inflated to the point that I could attach it to a string and float away on it.

Actually, a lot of the time the interview consists of me talking about how great the company is, ( what makes you want to work for us? ) so I'm sure the interviewer could do the same and we could float off into the sky together.

One of the most intense interviews I've done has been for, no joke, Pinkberry.  The interview was an open call for a shift worker.  They had two openings and about 100 people show up.  This interview process was three rounds...The first where they split us into groups of ten and had us do various group activities and also gave us five minutes to individually come up with a commercial for Pinkberry.  

The second round, they knocked off a few of the undesirables (booted off the island/labeled as the weaker links/voted off the show, so to speak) and then the remaining people were given a group interview where we were asked questions such as who are the three people you look up to the most / what are the most difficult obstacles you've had to overcome / etc. etc.

I'm going to digress for a second here.  The Pinkberry interview was one of the few group interview situations I was comfortable in, because I had already gotten to know the other people beforehand.  But group interviews are often tense and extremely competitive.

Part of the reason is because I used to be this kid:

And when we used to go around in a circle to pray at church, I would spend more time thinking about what I was going to say rather than listen to everyone else.  And taking turns to speak at a group interview is nothing like a prayer circle.  I think.

For the third round, they called a few of us over the course of the next few days for a panel interview...so I went in for an interview with four of the shift leaders/managers of Pinkberry.

In the end, I didn't get the spot.  But I secretly think that what they're really looking for is someone that will lure customers in and who looks good in the Pinkberry uniform...

which is hard to do. I apologize to these random pinkberry workers I found on google image search.

There are a few interview questions I despise.  I understand why there are interviews and to a certain extent why these particular questions.  Employers want to get a good feel of the person and also a view into their character.  But unfortunately, answering these questions has mostly become a jockeying of BS and "what answer do YOU want to hear" deal to many.

A few of them are as follows:

• What is your greatest weakness?

Sorry, but no.  This answer turns into somehow turning a weakness into your greatest attribute like how Michael Scott of The Office says, "Oh, my greatest weaknesses are that I care too much.  I work too hard."  And hello, I am not Superman.  I do not tell the newspaper, "My greatest weakness is Kryptonite and oh hey, the only material I can't see through with my awesome x-ray vision is lead.  Did you hear that Lex Luthor?"

...And I do read the newspaper.

• Where do you see yourself in five years?

In your spot.  Interviewing others.  I think I'll take your job in five years.  Next question?

That's probably not the right answer though.  So here's a better one:  In five years, I'll be in impoverished countries feeding orphans and baby monkeys with ten-minute brownies (packed with protein and vitamins and so yummy) that I made in five minutes.  I'll also be leading the guerrilla warfare against oppressive regimes and evil corporations.

And so to top this off, here are a few questions I'd ask if I was an interviewer:

• If a grizzly bear showed up at the door of our establishment, what would you do?
• In the event of a zombie apocalypse, what would be your weapon(s) of choice and first course of action?
• If you were on a lifeboat and your spouse and mother were drowning and you could only choose one to save, who would it be and why?
• What superhero do you identify with the best?
• Complete this sentence:  "If life gives you lemons, you...."

Come on, I think they would reveal a lot about a person's character and also see if they can think on their feet.

With that said, I'm off to another interview.