Here's what I mean: currently I have 9 cuts on my hands, two burns, one scrape, one bruise. I have five bruises on my arms, plus one long laceration that runs the length of my forearm. I have six bruises on my legs, including one that is about five inches long. I also have a swollen spot on my leg with a rather deep indentation/still-bleeding cut that I got from slamming my shin into a metal table.
I also have bruises on my hips from constantly bumping into things violently. I bump my head on something an average of two times a day.
I trip rather frequently and although I sometimes catch myself from falling flat on my face, I'm not always so lucky. The other day, I tripped while walking downhill and although my feet tried several times to right my fall, the forces of gravity were too much. I ended up on my stomach with scraped hands and my feet curled up behind me from the momentum.
I'm actually afraid to hurry up and down the stairs now.
Here are the possible reasons behind said self-damages:
1). There is a brain parasite in my brain. It is affecting my vision, my sense of balance (cerebellum), and is also the reason behind my recent impairment of speech (I've been slurring a lot of my words as of late and mixing up other words in spoonerisms).
2). I am growing. This is why I no longer have a sense of my own body and how it relates to everything around me.
3). My vision is getting poor and I need a new prescription.
4). I need more sleep.
5). I need to stop being so rough/hurrying to do everything. I also bruise too easily.
6). I am getting old.
...None of these options appeal to me, so I will offer up another alternative. I am clearly suffering from a cupcake deficit. The only solution to this problem is to eat more cupcakes.