First off, before I start, I have to advertise an absolutely fantastic opportunity for any aspiring authors. Gennifer Albin is hosting an amazing pitch contest here: http://blog.genniferalbin.com/2011/08/super-amazing-critique-contest.html. What do you get if you win?? She'll edit/critique 50 pages of your manuscript. Woot! Click on the link for more info. :)
Anyway...what we should learn from Disney Princesses.
Or rather, what we shouldn't learn.
Don't get me wrong...I've grown up on the Disney classics. If you want to get me on a soapbox, just bring up the good old days of Disney (or the current glory of Pixar). I can go on for days.
But hey, disney princesses? I have a real problem with you guys.
Let's start with Cinderella.
Anyway...what we should learn from Disney Princesses.
Or rather, what we shouldn't learn.
Don't get me wrong...I've grown up on the Disney classics. If you want to get me on a soapbox, just bring up the good old days of Disney (or the current glory of Pixar). I can go on for days.
But hey, disney princesses? I have a real problem with you guys.
Let's start with Cinderella.
I can't believe it's not butter!
The grievances I have with this movie are many. Let's start with the fact that Cinderella is the ONLY servant in the house. How is that possible? Isn't it some sort of faux-pas to only have one servant? If madame evil stepmother was so concerned with her social standing, I'm sure there would be more servants around. Look at that house! Was there really only one person that did everything? The cooking! The cleaning! Changing the kitty's litter box! Plucking the hairs of the stepsister's mustaches! No way.
Oh, she had little cute animals to help her, you say? Well, that leads me to my next question:
Why the heck did Cinderella stick around?? Her father died and she decided to stick around and clean? Why? Maybe she likes cleaning...but why not go somewhere else where you can actually get PAID to do it? Why stay in such a degrading situation?
Or hey, I have an idea...since Cinderella clearly had a knack with the animals, why not....
Oh, she had little cute animals to help her, you say? Well, that leads me to my next question:
Why the heck did Cinderella stick around?? Her father died and she decided to stick around and clean? Why? Maybe she likes cleaning...but why not go somewhere else where you can actually get PAID to do it? Why stay in such a degrading situation?
Or hey, I have an idea...since Cinderella clearly had a knack with the animals, why not....
yes, that could be you in the red suit, Cinderella.
Run off and join the circus? The circus could always use people that can talk to animals. Or I don't know. You could be the next Dr. Dolittle. Anything besides that job you have now. A dream may be a wish your heart makes blah blah...get up off your butt and stop wasting time singing to the birds.
Third:
Third:
What do you mean the dress doesn't fit?
Yeah, fairy godmother. You're so cute. Showing up conveniently at the last minute and saying "bibbity-bobbity-boo" and "you SHALL go to the ball!"
Who cares about the ball??? Where have you been all of my life! Where were you when I could've used some extra dough to start my own bakery or animal obedience school? What? You can turn my pumpkin into a carriage? Actually that's kind of...No! Help me oust the stepmother! Rig the lottery so I can win it!
At least that's what I'd say if I was Cinderella.
Last, but certainly not least:
Who cares about the ball??? Where have you been all of my life! Where were you when I could've used some extra dough to start my own bakery or animal obedience school? What? You can turn my pumpkin into a carriage? Actually that's kind of...No! Help me oust the stepmother! Rig the lottery so I can win it!
At least that's what I'd say if I was Cinderella.
Last, but certainly not least:
You ever notice that his eyebrows are not the same color as his hair? Does that mean he dyes his hair??
Yes, that's right. Prince Charming. I'm not going to take the low blow and make fun of his name (but seriously...) because I guess it's not technically his fault. We'd have to blame his parents for that one....
Oh, but there are so many other things I can make fun of! For one thing, this guy falls in love with a chick after one dance? Wow. That must have been some dance. Or maybe it has more to do with the punch that they drank before they started dancing. Ever wonder why the lights went all moody and purple while they were dancing? It wasn't just movie effects. That was really their perception after having one too many...
And I don't even want to go into the intelligence level this guy must have. "Oh I'll find her by matching her shoe with her foot!" ...Good luck with that one, man. So what if she had petite feet! Have you seen how fast those shoes go on a Nordstrom shoe sale? It doesn't matter what the size is! In fact, are you sure that the girl you married is Cinderella after all? I mean, there was the factor with that spiked punch...;)
Cinderella is only one of many! I'll get to the others later. But are there any disney princesses that drive YOU nuts? :)
Oh, but there are so many other things I can make fun of! For one thing, this guy falls in love with a chick after one dance? Wow. That must have been some dance. Or maybe it has more to do with the punch that they drank before they started dancing. Ever wonder why the lights went all moody and purple while they were dancing? It wasn't just movie effects. That was really their perception after having one too many...
And I don't even want to go into the intelligence level this guy must have. "Oh I'll find her by matching her shoe with her foot!" ...Good luck with that one, man. So what if she had petite feet! Have you seen how fast those shoes go on a Nordstrom shoe sale? It doesn't matter what the size is! In fact, are you sure that the girl you married is Cinderella after all? I mean, there was the factor with that spiked punch...;)
Cinderella is only one of many! I'll get to the others later. But are there any disney princesses that drive YOU nuts? :)